Title: Inner Desires
Dislaimer: I don't own any of the characters
Author: JulianSWarren
Rating: NC-17 For sex and adult content
Summary:What happens when you can't control yourself anymore, and there isd nothing that can stop you from getting what you want or in this case who you want
Pairing: Max and Alec
Genre: Romance
Category: TV Show Dark angel
Status: Work in Progress
Archieved: here, fanfiction.net
Author Note: I wouldn’t have been able to do this story without the help of an amazing beta and friend Amelia. Thank You so Much for your help, you friendship and your support. Chapter 7.
Max stayed still and breathing hard, she didn't want to hurt Alec or make him feel like an object, she was just so confused, and Manticore hadn't taught her how to deal with her emotions. She noticed the door opened and got a glimpse of Alec removing his boxers and getting into bed. She blushed when she saw his naked body slowly getting under the white sheets and how he lifted the sheets on the other side letting her know he was giving her the change to join him. She hesitated on if she should go to him and let her find out if this was real or a fraction of her imagination. She walked to his bedroom and stood in front of the bed. She noticed the warmth and care in Alec's eyes as he waited for her to make her move. She stared at him and at the empty space in his bed, but fear took a hold of her and she turned around heading for the door.
"Just so you know that space won't be filled by anyone, it will always be waiting for you, just like I will be,." Alec told her, turning around and facing the window. Max stopped for a moment hearing his words. 'God I'm not ready, not yet. First I got to figure out my own feelings, I really don't want to hurt him.' Max thought, walking out of the apartment and closing the door. She took a deep breath and walked to her own apartment, she got in, took of her clothes and got into her bed, she looked at her bed and felt like something was missing and that's when it hit her. She wanted his body lying next to hers, but what if something went wrong and he got hurt, she would be devastated and wouldn't be able to continue living. The guy who had started being a pain in the ass had turned into a part of her life.
"Give me time Alec, please just so I can defeat my fears and let you in." Max pleaded into the night. She then closed her eyes and tried to sleep.
Alec was in an empty street, listening to the screams of a woman, he ran towards the noise and found a bunch of people beating someone, one of them moved and he caught a glimpse of the person, it was Max, his anger went to the limit and he reacted, his instinct took over and once everything was over, he was covered in blood and Max was trembling, he tried to get close to her and she moved away, she kept screaming and asking him why had done it? And all he replied was.
"Because I had to" Alec woke up covered in sweat. His heart, beating fast and his breathing hard.
"What the hell is happening to me?" Alec asked himself. He had been feeling so much anger and rage and sometimes he feared loosing control completely and acting on his feelings. It was like something was inside him and slowly taking away his control and inhibitions. He knew that the way he had been trained was hard but he had managed to avoid becoming a cold blooded killer, because the humanity in him had stopped him, but these days he felt that humanity going away and being replaced the instinct and that was something not good.
He had to figure out what was making him loose control or someone was going to end up hurt. He knew that the reason he had murdered all those men in his dream was because he was protecting his mate but, he hadn't hesitated or stopped when they were unconscious, he needed to feel the life been drained out of them so he could stop. Maybe he was going insane like Ben, whatever it was he needed a solution fast, because he felt like he wouldn't be able to control it any longer.
He laid down on his bed staring at the ceiling, if only Max gave him a chance to be part of her life he would have someone to talk to and share his fears and problems, but she was still into that damn ordinary. God, sometimes he really wanted to kill
The next day he got up and got ready, he went to med bay and asked the doctor to check his blood and see if something was wrong, she told him she would have the results back in a couple of hours. He thanked her and left, trying to clear his mind and focus on the problems they had in TC. He checked various sectors, trying to get a clear vision of how they were living and what was happening. He talked to a few people and found a couple of females who wanted to spend some time with him, but their scent bothered him, it was like he didn't find it appealing, all he could think about was finding Max and making sure she was okay. The girls insisted and tried to get close to him, but he excused himself and left. They were disappointed and confused, until someone told them that he was probably mated with Max.
He went to their headquarters and found Dix reading some files and looking very worried, Mole told him that they were loosing people really fast. He was getting annoyed with the fact that the ordinaries could kill them but he couldn't do a thing to them. It was like they had a right to kill his kind and that angered him, he started to feel his blood heat up and his heart beating faster and found himself thinking of the ways to rip an ordinary apart.
"Damn it!" Alec shouted, impaling his fist on a wall and making a dent. The transgenics in the room jumped at his action and Max stood stock still. He noticed the looks he was getting, so he entered his office shutting the door. Max opened it and realized it had been a bad idea not to knock. Alec turned around so fast and the look on his eyes made Max swallow hard.
"Is just me Alec, relax." Max told him.
"Max, please just leave okay, I'm not in the mood for one of your lectures," Alec told her, running his hand through his hair.
"Alec talk to me, tell me what's wrong." Max told him, in a soft voice.
"If you were my mate, I would tell you everything Max, my fears, my problems, my worries, everything. But you don't want me as your mate, hell you don't even want me as a friend, so I would appreciate you to leave me the hell alone, I will deal with my own problems. What I want from you, I can't have, because you won't give it to me, so don't bother on trying to pretend that you care about me or what I am feeling." Alec shouted, he waited for her to leave, but she just stood there looking at him. He got frustrated, so he moved towards her and when she stepped away, he opened the door, walking out slamming it closed behind him, making Max jump.
"Alec I do care, but how can I expect you to believe me when I have treated you like shit all this time, damn it Max you really screwed up this time." Max told her self. She got out and went to her own office, avoiding the looks of everyone who had obviously heard their argument, including Logan.
She entered her office shutting it close, Logan opened the door walking in without asking.
"I was right all along, you lied to me about you being with Alec, there is nothing going on between you and him." Logan told her. Max wanted to scream, now he knew, but how much of that was actually true, he approached her and with his gloved hand caressed her cheek and looked at her with loving eyes. Max leaned into his touch, trying to find comfort there, at that moment the door opened revealing Alec, he looked pissed and hurt, he walked towards Logan and pulled him away from Max throwing him against the wall. Logan had trouble getting up. Max was about to shout at Alec when he spoke.
"I guess this is what you really want Max, well the cat is out of the bag, let all of TC know that you and I are not together, that you love Logan and that I'm nothing but a screw up to you, hope you find happiness and get the fucking normal life you desire. Forget about me and everything I told you, it was obviously me wasting my time once again, oh and don't worry I'll make your wish come true, I'll leave you alone, you work on your own and I will do the same, unless is for something related with TC, don't come to me because I'm done being your damn toy. It's a shame you couldn't see how happy I could've made you and how much I really wanted you in my life, but don't worry I won't make that mistake again, love is nothing but a weakness and I won't let it come out again. Get ready to meet a new side of me Max, because when an animal is hurt, they don't forget and their behavior changes drastically and well deep inside I'm an animal!" Alec shouted, with hurt, sadness anger and pain in his voice. He turned around and looked at Logan with disgust and walked away. Every transgenic turned to look at Max. She shouted to Logan to get out and he did, closing the door. Max fell to ground on her knees crying. The sobs were raking her body and making her feel out of control and unbelievably weak.
'What had she done, she had hurt him, the way he had spoke and looked at her, showed her how much this had broken Alec. She hadn't meant to do this, but she would give him time, he would calm down and be the same Alec again, he was always alright, this was just stress and pressure taking control of him." She cried for a awhile and then slowly composed herself so she could continue her work.
Alec went to med bay, for his results, the doctor told him that there was nothing wrong, no toxin or anything, just an increased level in a couple of hormones, that were probably the reason why he had felt so out of control. Alec thanked her and left, he went to his apartment and started drinking to numb the pain of losing Max after being so close to having everything he had ever wanted.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
Max waited for a while and then decided she would go look for him so they could talk. She knocked on his door, but he didn't open, she could hear him inside.
"Alec? Open up is important," Max shouted. Alec pushed himself out of his chair, and opened his door.
"Does this have something to do with TC? Alec asked, in a serious voice.
"No," Max replied, smiling.
"Then I don't want to hear it and since you don't get that I don't want you in my apartment, I'll leave." Alec told, her walking past her, ignoring her pleading.
She had asked him to come back, but he had kept on walking. Max felt hurt and lonely. She had truly lost Alec this time and she felt like her heart was breaking.
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